In WineX, Veritas

If indeed the truth can be found in wine, WineX is the place to find the absolute truth. It is the biggest wine event in the Cape. The 2010 version had 550 truths from 100 truthsayers. Now if the absolute truth cannot be found in 550 versions, where can it be found? Maybe in 1200, as in the Johannesburg version where 180 wineries will show their wares. Does that make Joburg more truthful than Cape Town? Well, parliament is in Cape Town so that settles that.

The hall of truths

It is not as big as it used to be. Unfortunately I am not talking about my stomach, I am talking about WineX. There used to be over a thousand of the Wineland’s best truths available for sampling in previous expressions of WineX, Cape Town. Squeezing my metaphor ⁽¹⁾ to within an inch of its life ⁽²⁾ it must make the Credit Crunch ⁽³⁾ untruthful. A truth thief. Because WineX Cape Town used to be bigger. But as disposable income dwindled, so a day was taken from the show. It used to be that I would go on the first night with my white wine bib on and the next with the red bib ⁽⁴⁾ and leave Friday to the masses. This time it was not possible or necessary. With only two nights scheduled I got around enough in one night to last me the year. Let me try and rephrase that without the obvious, and inaccurate, sexual reference. ⁽⁵⁾ There were fewer wines. Blunt, boring, accurate.

There are various strategies commonly employed when confronted with a plethora of wines. The human liver makes it impossible to taste 500 wines in one evening. So some sort of selection method must be employed. One is to go for the wines available at your local supermarket. This should, but doesn’t, prevent you from making those less than brilliant R40 purchases. You can do the reverse, a strategy employed by the He-Ghanaian. That was PG(pre-Ghana) of course. We would seek out the most expensive wines available working on the principle that we are too cheap to buy them. Most of these very expensive wines were indeed very good. So the better truth can be found in better wine. Ergo better truth for more money.

I have been to WineX with most of the play group. Once The Blonde and The Bald Eagle joined me. The Bald Eagle and I stood in line for 30minutes to get a miniscule sip of Dom Perignon so he could save some for The Blonde. She made a new friend in the meantime and the two ladies went about sampling the local bubbles. On another occasion I was joined by He-with-beautiful-name from Pretoria. He was determined not to like the expensive stuff. Sort of reverse snobbism. Pre Ghana both the He-and She-Ghanaian joined me. It was on this occasion that he discovered Crucible from Cloof. Even at the end of the evening it still made an impact. The He-Ghanaian liked it so much he kept returning to the Cloof stall until they refused to pour any more for him. It then fell to the She-Ghanaian and me to keep him in drink.

But mostly I go alone. Early on my lower middle class upbringing, and the drive for value that instil, meant that I had to swallow the wine I tasted. Prudence (thanks Mum) dictated that I don’t drive home immediately, so I went to watch a movie afterwards. Saw the opening credits of Rush Hour 2 and some kindly bloke woke me on the way out after the movie. From that day on, I spat. But if you are on your own, you still get through quite an amazing number of wines. One evening at WineX I tasted 40 different wines in just under two hours. Not swallowing did not help prevent early onset drunkenness. I had to leave after the 40.

Dip for truth

This year I had the pleasure of taking wine show novices to the show. Four of whom are from the Czech Republic. It was exciting seeing the reaction of people used to French and Italian wines. The local wines made quite an impression. From the feedback it seems South-African truths ⁽⁶⁾ can be had for cheaper prices than European ones of the same magnitude. I may live in a beer desert, but on an ordinary school night I can dip my tasting glass into the well of truth and come up with 550 different versions. ⁽⁷⁾ Can you?

(1) Strictly not only mine. Some clever Greek pervert probably came up with it first. Or was it Noah?
(2) Shurely that must be stomping it to within a millimetre of its life?
(3) Good name for breakfast cereal. This gag taken from the News Quiz.
(4) Thanks to Frozen Man for that gag.
(5) Obvious to me. I should know, I write this stuff.
(6) And you thought I’ve forgotten about this.
(7) Nearly forgot the one pompous sentence per post.