My good friends, The Grey Geese (1), are back in town after a couple of years summering up north. (2) So far their return has cost me nearly R6000. This was consequential damage, not the cost of the wine we drank to celebrate the return. But I got my revenge; they had to take a cold shower. So did I, so a pyrrhic victory.
Who are the Geese? Who were they before they were Grey Geese? What happened to the Gosling? Afraid that because he was fed well he is no longer a gosling. What is a teenager goose? A gosler? The grey geese name came on their pre-return visit. On the same day I returned from a disappointing revisit to the Grey Goose in Newcastle-upon-Ncandu. The wine list has gone backwards since my last visit. I also set foot in the new King Shaka Airport in Kwa-Zulu-Natal. Feet, actually. Lots and lots of feet. As will all the “upgraded” airports in this country it forces you to walk further, wait longer for your luggage than before and have no idea where you are as they all look the same. I am also particularly miffed as I was looking forward to some beers of Nottingham Road brewery and on the old airport I knew exactly where to get it. As you approach the security check for the......, aaarrggh, no one cares anymore.
Anyhow, I did not find the beers on King Shaka(3). What I did find is the wines from the same area. This, mostly sub-tropical, part of the world is not known for the wines it produces. But there are two wineries up the N3, The Stables being near Nottingham Road. I came back with a Sauvignon Blanc and a white blend at a disappointing average of R90 a bottle. This I tried to share with the Grey Gander, but he was having none of that. Rightly so. If you’ve paid for it, there is a certain obligation to drink indifferent wine, but you can look a gift wine in the mouth.(4) If you have the choice of the Nottingham Road wine or beer, go for the beer.
If a person you haven’t seen for a while visits and is now completely grey, is it something you mention? Do you comment on the rapid loss of colour when it fact the only rapid thing about it was the rapid stop of dye? Or do you just accept that hair colour is a very bad timing device. I realise that one should comment positively on any change in hair colour on a goose variety, but if it is grey? The Gander, of course, has been grey for some time.(5) And as long as it’s there, you don’t need to speak about a gander’s hair.
So principally they came down to bring one of the cars before the actual move. Their garage was still occupied, so I said the car can park in my garage for a week or two. Unfortunately the appliances heard about this and didn’t like the idea of a Renault parking in the garage. I had no problem with this. Inside, where no one could see it, was fine with me. The natural animosity of inanimate objects forms a central part of my believe system, but I will expand on it at some later stage. Enough to say here I faced a quiet revolution.
The geyser packed up deliberately and refused to be fixed late on a Friday afternoon by a plumber on normal time. It was replaced on Saturday by a team of plumbers on overtime. Whilst I was away the drinks fridge retired. No notice; just a warm beer when I needed a cold one. The Renault is gone now. The Grey Geese settled in. But I still have one fear. Is making a man take a cold shower enough retribution for him parking a Renault in the garage? Will my appliances let it go now?
(1) Not their real names
(2) Butchering a metaphor in the first sentence.
(3) The airport, obviously.
(4) Did you get it? The winery is called the stables! A gift wine. A gift horse! I love weak jokes.
(5) His hair too. As I said, weak jokes.
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