My medical excursion

Last week I acquired a sports injury. Injury to be more precise. My sporting glory lies safely buried in the last millennium. I hurt my shoulder doing, ehh, I am not sure what. There was no AARRGHH-HAAA moment. For some time it was a niggling thing (been watching cricket again I have) and then suddenly one morning it was BLOODY HELL WHAT IS THIS FOR? Quick activities review; looking for closed doors that needed persuading open? None. Heavy lifting? No just my normal, if very substantial, self. Acts of stupidity to impress a woman? Not this time. So I must have slept myself an injury. The laziest injury of all.

For 3 days I tried self-medicating with aspirin, Deep Heat, ineffectual rubbing and the psychological approach. The last one essentially consisted of hoping it would go away by itself, reasoning that if it arrived by itself, the return journey should also be possible via the same road. Ineffectual all of them. By now I am not sleeping well, have trouble dressing myself and am mentally preparing for an amputation. So despite some deep rooted fear of all things medical, I went to a physiotherapist. First time ever. Because I've grown attached to my arm.

After a brief time filling in some forms, I spent an even briefer time explaining my pain. Within moments she figured out where to press to make the pain worse. Thus clearly demonstrating she understood the problem. She showed no pleasure in this, the giving pain bit. So I unclenched by teeth and other bits and started to warm to the therapy.

She put an ultrasound to my shoulder. Apparently it is not pregnant. I forgot the technical reason⁽¹⁾, but it made it feel better. Some massaging, some manual manipulation, always stopping shortly after my unsuccessful attempt at hiding my low pain threshold. But after all that, it felt a lot better. A moerse lot better. One of my more stupid doings, waiting so long to get professional help.

I was shown some simple exercises and told to put ice on it as long as I could. After 7 minutes the Checkers store manager threw me out of the frozen peas section. I also had to upgrade my pain medication to some anti-inflammatory type thing. Luckily they knew exactly at the pharmacy.

“Oh and don't take these for too long, it could have some nasty gastrointestinal side effects”

IT IS GOING TO ATTACK MY BIGGEST ORGAN!! No way I am taking this medi ,BLIMEY CHARLEY, that hurt, OK I will listen to the professionals. So here I am writing sinisterly, occasionally pausing to adjust the once frozen Hawaiian stir fry, thinking about the time my drinking arm worked painlessly.

(1) Oh, now I remember the technical reason: I don't have a uterus in my shoulder.