How I ended up chasing Amy

Gender: Female.

Good. When looking for a potential girlfriend the preferred gender is the best start. Saves on some very expensive surgery.

Interested in: Women.

Good. She likes herself. Self love is important. And we share a common interest. We should be a good match. HANG ON!! Interested in WOMEN??? That is my line. She's not a potential girlfriend. She's competition. Instead of being the target market, she is making the market smaller. If there is one boy for every girl, then she is making the market smaller by 2. Her lovely self and whoever falls for her. Thus reducing my chances beyond what what my looks and personality have already done.

Before this fairly critical piece of information was known to me, I thought we hit it off. And maybe that is why we got on so well. She was a buddy. But with curves. OK, boobs. Real ones. Not the moobs I grew myself in desperation.

Am I angry at her? Hell yes. For turning me down? Well, no, for she had no choice. For not telling me that is the reason? Hell Yes. My ego would be less bruised and self confidence less dented had it been known that it is not just my personality, but my entire gender that put her off. According to her, I have a birth defect that prevents a romantic relationship.

So is there a soul mate out there for me? Or for anyone? If you listen to David Mitchell's (very good writer, very good comic) story about meeting, and waiting for, Victoria Coren you would be sure there is one. He makes a very convincing argument. Plot spoiler ahoy! It worked for him. And her. My very wise friend, Ferris, reckons that there is no "one". But only one that is right for the moment. And that moment might last a lifetime. As it has for him and his ⁽¹⁾wife.

Even in the bible the idea of holding out for your true love is shown in the story of Jacob. Worked for 7 years to get his love Rachel, only to be given Leah and then had to work 7 years more. Now there are a couple of issues here. Let’s skip the bigamy. And then "work for?". Didn't their parents want them out of the house? Are daughters to be considered a loan to be worked off? Actually this was more like lay-by. Instead of a lay-with. How old was he and how old were they considering one had 10 children after the 7 years? But I digress. The point is the concept of waiting for your true love is shown to be virtuous.

That used to be my thinking. But it seems not the way to go. Kenneth Branagh's character in Dead Again says "I am not looking for Miss Right, I am looking for Miss Right Now!" indicating you shouldn't wait for that one. And you certainly shouldn't wait patiently for a lesbian. Unless, you are one. Actually even then you shouldn't.

Now in my early forties ⁽²⁾ I find myself with changed beliefs and contemplating throwing myself into the dating market to make up for lost time. But just what is this market composed of? Let's see if that market segmentation course can pay off. Starting with defining some age limits. What is acceptable these days? Plus minus 10 years? In which there are the following categories.

Divorcees. They have two potential difficulties built in. One is the ex. This can be an advantage as the competition is the arsehole that left her, but it also means she has taken all the shit she ever will from a man. Earning brownie points is now much more difficult. There is, of course, also the quite likely complicating factor of offspring.

The very unlucky widows. Here I am not being compared to the arsehole, but a dead guy. While he can't do wrong any more, my aliveness not only makes it possible, but also probable guaranteed that I will screw up. A tricky threesome.

Which brings me to my group. The lamentable romantics⁽³⁾, the so full of shit disguised as high standards type. The ones the rest of society rightly left alone in order to prevent breeding. You have to consider that it is no accident I am still available. They could also just be very shy.

Lastly, looking for sugar daddy. Not one I am likely to consider I'm afraid. Principally because I can't afford the best of them. Cheaper to outsource everything to a professional.

(1) Tradition tried to insist I insert “long suffering” here

(2) True when I first wrote it

(3) Not sensible about practical matters; idealistic and unrealistic. From WordWeb the excellent dictionary.